In the beginning....

I learned to crochet when I was 11 years old. My grandma Marie helped me make the world's ugliest purse out of cream colored acrylic yarn. It was pretty much a big square with all kinds of mistakes in it. I got bored with it pretty quickly.

About 7 or 8 years later, I decided to pick up a hook again. I made a 4'x6' afghan for my Grandma Pat. While decidedly better than the purse, it still is far from being a masterpiece. I worked as a telemarketer for a while (you can put up your crucifix and garlic, I'm not doing that anymore) and while we were waiting for our headsets to beep in our ears, indicating that someone had picked up the phone and progressed from, "Hello?" to "If anybody is on the #!#%#@% line, you had $#!$ better talk now or I'm going to !#%!^@^! hang up!!!!", there wasn't a lot to do. So, I crocheted. Then, once again, I got busy being young and stupid, and didn't touch a hook for years.

Now, I'm a full time stay at home mom of 4. I crochet primarily for stress relief these days, and lately I've been a very prolific crocheter! It's one of those "You don't have to be crazy to do this job, but it helps!" things. I plan to post some pictures of finished projects soon. I'm just lazy about putting the pictures online. I've made 3 seraphina shawls (and am on my 4th), 4 of my funky monkey skinny scarves, 1 adult version of the pumamouse sleuthing shawl, and about 4 kids' versions of it, a poncho for the daughter of a friend of mine, and about 6 or 7 dishcloths. I also have a delicate web wrap in the works. It's made of cream colored silk chenille that produces shudders of delight in all who touch it. I've got a scarf in the making of this funky thick/thin rayon chunky yarn, and I've already made a wrap out of it for my sister Rebekah. I also made a baby blanket for my cousin Amanda. Yeesh! I've made more than I thought I did. All this has taken place in just the past few months.

Speaking of prolific crocheting, I think I've injured myself. I never thought of crochet as a sport, but I definitely have a sports-type injury! My wrist hurts when I crochet and it hurts all the way up my arm. I think I'd better take a break for a day or two.

Disco Queen Ponytail Holder

Materials Needed:
1 skein of novelty yarn (I used a worsted weight novelty yarn)
Size I (5.50 mm) hook
1 Thick “Ouchless” ponytail holder

Stitches used:

sl st = slip stitch
sc = single crochet
tr = treble crochet

This pattern uses American crochet terms.

Note: A worsted weight skein will yield several ponytail holders, but you may have to use most of or all of a skein of light weight eyelash yarn.


Round 1: Join yarn with sl st in ponytail holder. Ch 1. Work sc all around the ponytail holder (for the size I used, I came up with 46 sc. The best way to figure out how many sc to work is to count the number of sc it takes you to go around the ponytail holder with normal spacing, then scrunch the worked stitches together and double the number you came up with. Example: I had 23 sc worked normally, so I scrunched them together and worked another 23 sc in the remaining space.) Join with sl st to first sc.

Round 2: Ch 4, tr in same stitch. Work [2 tr] in each sc around. Join with sl st to top ch of starting ch 4, finish off. Weave in ends.

Congratulations, you are now a disco queen! These are great for using those wierd little scraps that aren't enough to really make anything. They also make awesome stocking stuffers for teenage girls. They look neat and are relatively inexpensive too. I made them for my Girls Only Missionettes class. We’re having a treasure hunt as part of our lesson next week and this is the “treasure” they get to find. Enjoy!

If you have questions, or just want to send me a picture of something you've made using my patterns, you can e-mail me at theinfamousyarnaholic@hotmail.com contact me as queenmamajen on Ravelry.

Crochet Pattern: Funky Monkey Skinny Scarf

Howdy! I decided that I'd start this thing and see how it goes. This is the first pattern I've ever written, so if you find any mistakes, PLEASE let me know! This is my Funky Monkey Skinny Scarf. Amy, if you ever see this, I've named it in honor of you! This pattern uses American hook sizes and terminology, mostly because Brit terms confuse the heck out of me.

Materials needed:

Size K crochet hook
Main Color: 2 skeins sport weight black chenille (don't know what brand, I got it on eBay)or 1 skein divided in half
Color A: 1 skein vintage Red Heart baby yarn in light pink Color B: 1 skein Bernat Kiss in bright pink (I have no clue what the color actually is because I threw away the label a long time ago.)

Gauge: We don't need no stinkin' gauge.

Note: This pattern uses at least 1 strand of MC throughout.

Chain 200.

Row 1 (foundation row): With MC & Color A held together, SC in 2nd ch from hook & SC in each ch across, until last ch. Pull up 2 loops on hook (as if you were going to make another sc), and cut Color A, leaving several inches to weave in. Join 2nd strand of MC and pull both strands of MC through loops on hook. Ch 1, turn.

Row 2 & 3: SC in each SC across, ch 1, turn

Row 4: SC in each SC across to last sc, pull up 2 loops on hook. Cut 1 strand only of MC, join Color B, and pull MC & Color B through loops on hook. Ch 1, turn.

Row 5: SC in each SC across to last sc, pull up 2 loops on hook. Cut Color B, join Color A, and pull through 2 loops on hook. Ch 1, turn.

Row 6: SC in each SC across, ch 1, turn.

Row 7: SC in each SC across to last SC, pull up 2 loops on hook. Cut Color A, join 2nd strand of MC, and pull through 2 loops on hook. Ch 1, turn.

Row 8: SC in each SC across to last SC, pull up 2 loops on hook. Cut 1 strand only of MC, join Color B, and pull through 2 loops on hook. Ch 1, turn.

Row 9: SC in each SC across, ch 1, turn.

Row 10: SC in each SC across, finish off & weave in end(s).

So, to recap, you'll have 1 row of MC & Color A, 3 rows of MC & MC, 1 Row MC & Color B, 2 rows MC & Color A, 1 row MC & MC, and 2 rows MC & Color B.

Also, I've found that it's easier to do this pattern (and to hide the ends) if you weave in ends immediately after pulling your new color & MC through the 2 loops on your hook. You can wait until the end to weave them in if you want, though.

You are more than welcome to use my pattern(s) to create gifts for family or friends, (or complete strangers, if you have a mind to), but please do not sell them on eBay or in the South Central Missouri area, as I may decide to do this myself sometime in the future. Also, please do not reproduce my pattern(s) anywhere else on the web. Instead, link back to the page where the pattern is located. You are, however, allowed to print it off for personal use if you so desire. Enjoy, and most of all....have fun!

If you have any questions about my patterns, or if you'd like to send me a picture of something you've made using one of my patterns, you can e-mail me at theinfamousyarnaholic@hotmail.com

Getting Started

Hi! My name is Jen and I'm just getting started on here. I've started this mainly to post finished crochet projects, but this may wind up being a little bit of everything by the time I'm done. Who knows?